Shake it off
by AriMarshmellow
Summary: One shot inspired by the Song "Shake it off", sung in Glee.


Hello Everyone! This is my first time publishing and writing a fanfiction - or well in this case a song/lyric based story.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

\- AriMarshmellow

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Shake it off

 _Regrets collect like old friends_

 _Here to relive your darkest moments_

 _I can see no way, I can see no way_

 _And all of the ghouls come out to play_

Years after he became Hokage, he still found himself waking up sweat drenched in the middle of the night. Not because of the fights, the killing, the _war._ But because he felt strangely terrified to wake up to his old dingy apartment, his abused orange jumpsuit and the tiny pieces of glass and porcelain strewn across his floor like a broken, _mocking_ display of his hopes and dreams. He knew everyone expected him to be happy, to be thankful and forgiving of the people´s mistakes, _his people's_ mistakes.

But in his mind, hidden deeper than even the Yondaime's seal, a nagging, ripping feeling reminded him that he _wasn´t._ He wasn´t thankful for their harsh words, mocking laughter, glares and harsh beatings. He couldn't forgive them when they followed popular opinion like common sheep. When they brought him to the edge only to pull him back with fake smiles and warm _hollow_ words.

But he learned. That there was no ending, not a happy one anyways. So he played along, smiled for his audience. Echoing like a mockery of real laughter, real smiles. Even when he felt his soul shatter, being eaten alive by his treacherous mind.

 _And every demon wants his pound of flesh_

 _But I like to keep some things to myself_

 _I like to keep my issues strong_

 _It's always darkest before the dawn_

When he was younger, much younger. Too young to know why all the smiles he got were laced with hate and all the eyes on him were filled with disgust. He listened to the Sandaime, his Jiji, tell him about the heroes of old. Mighty warriors and fearless fighters. Believed in them, believed in the Anbu, his heroes, his fearless fighters and mighty warriors. Until that too got taken from him. Shattered like his windows on his birthdays. He was seven when he stopped believing in heroes. But he kept it to himself, with a particularly well-placed smile, _just_ big enough to make the clenching of his eyes seem like happiness instead of despair.

Even then, with his heart filled with tears, and his face painted with lies, he looked for a light, a flame, _anything._ To maybe, just maybe, make his painted lies into less of a display of what _should be_ and more into what was real.

 _And I've been a fool and I've been blind_

 _I can never leave the past behind_

 _I can see no way, I can see no way_

 _I'm always dragging that horse around_

When he joined team 7, people called him a fool, an idiot that couldn't recognize what was in front of his eyes. Later when Sasuke left the village, trying to cut a thread that was already spread to thin, people called him blind.

Kakashi once told him he wasn't able to see the forest for all the trees. But how could he? How could he, when his forest was made of lonely saplings and burned branches. How could he forget Sasuke, let him leave, when he had so little. When there was so much too _loose._ So blinded by an overwhelming sense of _want_. Dragging unfulfilled promises and memories of lost smiles behind him like a suitcase filled with only burden.

 _Our love is pastured such a mournful sound_

 _Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground_

 _So I like to keep my issues strong_

 _But it's always darkest before the dawn_

When they finally found him, _Sasuke_ , unbreakable, undeniably strong Sasuke, his brother in all but blood. Friend in all but untimely made decision. He could see something had changed. That while the scarce saplings had turned into a small forest, a lonely sapling had never changed, never gotten the chance to grow. He wanted to scream then. To rage about the unfairness of life, but if there was one thing he had learned in his too long short life, it was that life was never fair. But he wasn't a child anymore. His paint had become dry, cracking under the pressure of emotions, _real_ emotions. So he buried the despair, buried it deep down with all the horrors that build his mind and threw away the key. He wasn't a child anymore.

 _Shake it out, shake it out,_

 _Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa_

 _Shake it out, shake it out,_

 _Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa_

 _And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back_

 _So shake him off, oh whoa_

When he fought against the Akatsuki. To protect his home, his growing saplings, extending branches and green meadows. When Hinata, _sweet, dear Hinata,_ tried to save him. For a second, only a second, he couldn't keep his heart from splitting wide open. From letting his demons mingle with the fox sealed in his gut. Only a second, so he would never open it again. And when he managed to catch his horrors, tears and screams back inside of his labyrinth of a mind, he smiled. Because while his meadow was burned to the ground, his saplings were standing strong and the branches were holding on tight. He smiled and his heart mended. Just a little. Bit by bit, it mended.

 _'Cause I am done with my graceless heart_

 _So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart_

 _'Cause I like to keep my issues strong_

 _It's always darkest before the dawn_

When Gaara died. Like an earthquake in a busy city, his mind couldn´t stop to calm, to stifle the panic. That _Gaara_. His friend, fellow Jinchuuriki, _his brother_. Left him behind. So hatred mixed with bittersweet despair - like a nostalgic remembrance of times past, bubbling forth between his panic laced mind and frantically screaming heart. But hope is such a tricky thing. Uncontrolled, unwanted and in the end _undeniably right._ Because Gaara returned, his brother _returned._ And if he mended just a little, smiled just a bit brighter, with the tiny but strong flame of undeniable hope hidden in his heart. Well, who was he to deny such things. So he smiled.

 _Tried to dance with the devil on your back_

 _And given half the chance would I take any of it back_

 _It's a final mess but it's left me so empty_

 _It's always darkest before the dawn_

 _(Oh whoa, oh whoa)_

When the 4th shinobi war started, and Killer B brought him to an Island to face his inner demon, he thought not about the fox hidden in his gut, but his hatred, his fear, his lies, all hidden in his mind. Then, he felt empty. His Mother, Kushina, his mom. Holding her hands, his heart like a volcano, putting lava through his veins and tears in his eyes. He felt empty. But he wasn´t ready to lose. Not ready to lose against the only demon he could see, the only he could fight. So when he opened my eyes, for the first time, they were clear as the sky and opened wide.

 _And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't_

 _So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road_

 _And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope_

 _It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat_

 _'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me_

 _Looking for heaven, for the devil in me_

 _Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me_

When he became Hokage, he swore to protect the people, _his people._ His mind was open and his heart felt light, _Finally,_ finally.

 _Shake it out, shake it out,_

 _Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa_

 _Shake it out, shake it out,_

 _Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa_

 _And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back_

 _So shake him off, oh whoa_

So when he woke drenched in sweat night after night. Not because of the horrors of war, but the terror of finding himself alone in a world where extended branches ment life, honor, happiness. He smiled. Because when he was younger he learned that fairytales are just that, tales told to the gullible, the naive. And he smiled, because if nothing else, he learned to be gullible, learned to be _naive_ , learned to smile in the face of danger and despair until cracked paint would reveal a bleeding heart. So when he was asked if his nightmares were about the war he would never answer. Because he couldn't lie. But he could never dream about the war as anything but a fairytale come true. Heroes, comrades, friends, family. He was gullible and naive. And he smiled, his heart light and his mind open. He smiled because even demons receive a happy ending.

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Thank you for your time!


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